I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
