Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
