we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
