Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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