so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
