my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
