it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
