he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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