My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
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