You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
