I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
