TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
