I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
