with your own penis?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
