Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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