What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
