she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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