I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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