No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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