I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
