Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he wants to bone in the snuggie
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
