he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
