and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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