New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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