I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
