Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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