I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
