What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
