he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
how drunk are you?
Several
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
