he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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