ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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