Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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