my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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