dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
