Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
