dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
