I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
