plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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