I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
