He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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