we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
