this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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