and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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