he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
