1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
