Dual....:-)
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
