Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
