Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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