you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize