I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
