so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
