Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
