Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize