Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
