he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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