Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
