I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
