I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
