The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
