I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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