About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
