I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
