Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
