The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
