I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
