if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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