if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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