oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
