You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
