I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
