I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
All the doctor said was why
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
