Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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