I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
