How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
