Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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