in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
