I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
