Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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