he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
