Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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