a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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