So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
