The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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