He is such a slut. More and more my type.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
