I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
