so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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