he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
