HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
