normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
