I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
