I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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