we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
