Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
