Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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