U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
