It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Sober January is a disaster.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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