Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize