she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
