Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
